From the Editors
February 16, 2005Jokes I Wrote Based on the Staff of The New Yinzer
by Seth Madej
New Yinzer director Jennifer Meccariello walks into a bar. She has a seat on a stool, but the bartender doesn't acknowledge her. After several minutes without service, she yells, "What does the director of Pittsburgh's premier independent literary organization have to do to get a drink around here?!" and bangs her fist on the counter violently, splashing the barkeep with spilled drinks.
The bartender finally walks over. "I'm sorry," he says. "I didn't realize you were here, as this is a bar for those who are both visually and hearing impaired."
"Oh," Jenn replies sheepishly, and then empties the cash register and walks out the door with all the liquor she can carry.
"What can I get you?" asks the bartender.
New Yinzer Web editor Eric Lidji is on a boat with a priest, a rabbi, and a mullah. The priest turns to Eric and says, "our illicit drug-running operation is going well, isn't it?" "Yes," replies Eric, as he fondles a Mexican hooker.
Why did New Yinzer intern Jason Mills cross the road?
He was hopelessly attempting to reach the hospital for treatment of infected needle tracks and vomit-encrusted bed sores resulting from an elaborate hazing ritual.
"New Yinzer book designer Brett Yasko."
"Oh good. Just leave the pamphlets of blood-soaked Republican pornography next to the pile of syphilitic used condoms."
How many New Yinzer co-founder David C. Maddens does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but he has to do it with his mouth since he blew off his arms manufacturing explosive belts for Islamist extremists.
One morning, New Yinzer editorial board member Seth Madej sits alone in his home office, slumped over his keyboard just like every other day. "I suppose this desperate plea for attention will go as unnoticed as all the others," he sighs through tears. As the empty Pernod bottle rolls to the floor, his dog gets up and leaves the room.