{ Thorough and Practical Code of Classroom Conduct, Created Based on Previous Teaching Experience, Later Rejected by My Administrators }
Ben Shannon

lampshade on head, the new yinzer1. No written, verbal, or signed profanity
2. No salacious gesticulations
3. No pantomimed sex acts
4. No sexually revealing clothing
5. No nudity
6. No verbal violence
7. No physical violence
8. No perverted food or beverage acts
9. No jackassery
10. No provocations of mentally challenged people
11. No provocations of physically challenged people
12. No sabotage
13. No wild animals or insects
14. No spitting (includes: spitballs, dry or wet)
15. No sexual moaning or squealing
16. No door-slamming
17. No desk-carving, -inking, or -tipping
18. No computer-hacking
19. No lightswitch-tampering
20. No pencil/pen/eraser-throwing
21. No verbal physical threats
22. No sharing of beverages
23. No lying, cheating, or stealing
24. No book-mauling
25. No littering
26. No banging on walls
27. No powerswitch-tampering
28. No paper-ball-throwing or -batting
29. No book-throwing
30. No book-kicking
31. No unnecessary or false fart noises
32. No unnecessary or false belching
33. No public graffiti
34. No I.M. games
35. No gossiping
36. No pornography
37. No illegal drugs
38. No illegal drug-induced behavior

Violations of this Code of Conduct will result in an "F" grade for the day, two hours of detention, and possible suspension of the following student privileges: locker access, make-up work, extra credit, and tutoring.

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