We enjoy mail—who doesn't?—and appreciate your correspondence. Please send us letters. And photos, good golly photos. We can't ask harder. Letters to The New Yinzer should be sent electronically to letters@newyinzer.com or physically through the USPS to: The New Yinzer, 315 Gross Street, Apartment Three, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 15224.

From: Margaret Emery
Sent: Wed, 8 May 2002
Subject: Memo: Octopuses can be made from rhubarb stalks

Attention New Yinzer editors:
It has been brought to my attention that tasty garnishes can be made from rhubarb stalks by peeling one end of the stalk and carving it into a head shape. To make tentacles, cut the other end of the stalk into very thin strips. Soaking the garnish in ice water for a couple of hours will make the arms curl. As a finishing touch, put two cloves in for eyes. I suggest you hurry up and practice making your octupi now before the Memorial Day and Fourth of July cookouts. Whoever has the best rhubarb garnish at the cookouts will win a Pillsbury Doughboy collector figurine and a holiday bonus of donuts.
Thank you for attention in this matter,
Margaret Emery
Senior Coordinator of Post Graduate Internet Dating Services

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From: Margaret Emery
Sent: Wed, 8 May 2002
Subject: MEMO: leg waxing is painful and destructive

All New Yinzer employees,
I have been informed by several friends and my landlord Joe's wife that leg waxing is very painful and destructive. Please note that wax should be taken off the leg in the opposite direction of hair growth and should be removed with great precise and speed. That is all. Also, please do not throw trash in the sandy ashtray thing above the garbage can. The trash goes below in the bin marked trash.
Thank you and have a nice day. I wish I could sleep at 4:27 am, but apparently that won't happen until I finish my resume.
Margaret Emery
Central Administrator for Recovering Stalker Services

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From: Ricksta
Sent: Wed, 8 May 2002
Subject: 4 U

Like a Canada goose in Canada again
After migrating O, remember when?
Ricksta's back to spread his rhyme
To deprive the New Yinzer would be a crime
Pelican, pelican, pelican, duck
Tom Sawyer had a friend called Huck
Finneous Gage, Errol Flynn
Ricksta eschews vodka and gin
Give a piece of my mind,
typing in time
Marcel Marceau, Pagliacci
I'm a top notch brand, like DKNY or Gucci
Through criticism, abuse, hurt, and blame
Ricksta shall remain
Minister of words/deacon of beats
All right now peace!
Ricksta

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From: Alfred K.
Sent: Thu, 9 May 2002
Subject: Miki Johnson.

This is a story of amazing depth. It has a power of images that subtly rocks into a sublime and deeply buried guilt and frustration that I think we all feel at times, that silly desire to understand the unknowable reasons why someone can float from us and yet still desperately connect, submit, and love. This writer puts you into a few tiny moments and still conveys a lifetime of dissapointment/sensuality and rejection/deep connection. These paradigms, which I'm sure we all recognize, these angry matadors and disappointed princesses haunt all of our lives and pervert our sense of idyllic love. This is an amazing piece of work. This story amazes me. This author is spectacular. Thank you Miki Johnson.

Alfred K

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