{ Creative Ways to Say Something/Someone Sucks }
Joe West

That thing is so bad that it sucks
That Cercone is so Jody that it Vincent Lightings
That sumps my soul out
That grinds my delirium into Jupiter
That assuages my foolishness
That phones my cocka [NOTE — hip new word for penis: cocka. It's dirty, but not that dirty.]
That whips my periculum
That stabs my Jewry
That oogles the hell out of Capt. Beefheart
That crazies my pooter
That really puts Jesus to Venus
That just drives me out of business
That really cunts my McGillicuddy
That gwants
That really orders Chinese food
That totally elevates the Blessed Union of Souls on the Billboard charts
That absolutely grains my Cyril Wecht
That really unzips my cat
That really finds fault with my methods
That weely wubba me cocka
That fully shims my donkey cocka
That really grinds my rumpus room
That really lubes my gandy dance
That totally hovers my bedbugs
That really illustrates my First Principle
That really grates my fiduciary
That simply adjudicates my godlessness
That totally Sauggi's me foo
That simply ingrains me against OSRAM
That totally rocks my gender
That really hermetically seals my ass
That perfectly grabs my ass
That reaches around to the back of society
That smells my head off
That really reeks my adventure
That banefully groups my triangulation
The thing that sucks the most is peeing the bed for two straight weeks andthen not cleaning the sheets.

She flips my dandywheel
She falls to her death
She really absorbs lipids
She's a fucking orb-dunker
She hounds my lamb
She withers my Port
She quests my queerbait
She is Mudfish
She really lends her name to my project
She totally grins my bike
She beans an infant
She sells my soul to the realtor
She really raises my honker
She totally blames my reasoning on it
She awfully cutes her Delmont
She really sumps the Sampras
She fully understands the punishment
She grandly diagnoses Eritrea
She proudly poses thankfully
She thankfully poses proudly
She really takes the bliss out of kidney dishes
She fully beats back the band Television
She really bootlegs her sustenance
She blindly runs a UniMart
She randomly names nameless things
She really grows water spinach in her tunnel
She sunks

feetHe Snunks
He really pegs my Beatrice
He surely flutes my avarice
He willfully ground my peanuts
He really blames my gluttony
He shamefully orders my sandwich
He exemplifies his own lollipop
He sports a mustache off my asshead
He's an OSRAM away from being Halogen
He really loves my sister's neckline
He really beats my assneck
He really comes in like the sea
He really loves me like a burrito
He really drums my chakra off
He really believes that there's a little heat in there
He really caroms the possibilities
He really grinds my aks
He totally fills my creampuff
He really manages my expenses
He surely plops out of car seats
He really lands in tunnels
He simply must be shot
He rightly moves to NYC
He suddenly opinionates the public transit system
He defiantly yells "Fatoosh"
He grandly plumps a pill
He really quits my cocka
He really walka mile inna my cocka
He really zappa me cocka
He really talka my cocka amoka
He really yucka mia cocka
He absolutley shims my distance
He really gaggles his fortunes
He really improves his bag of bones
He droops my cocka

This limes off
This fucks
This gripes
This apes the dog ass
This runs the tom fast
This ribs the cookoff
This turns the pancake
This David's the goddamn Michelangelo
This renders the 3D mesh file
This hashes the transom
This sucks the data out of my database cornhole
This eats the flies out of my neighbor's earwax
This swings from the proverbial cum weed
This fools that paneer parkora
This grimaces my cockaThis paints the white lines
This takes the facking spackle
This really ploughs my ass
This really sumps my gumption
This send my ants to the pool
This suits me goulash
This grabs my cocka and pulls
This pool sucka by a cocka
This cocka blows
This totally scrims your Sriracha
This blocka me cocka
This Orville's my plopcord
This causes me plezure
This limes off
This commits me to rehab
This dumps a coat of molassas on me foot
This argues my way out of a Cadillac
This really troughs my lunch
This really drowns her twins
This totally submits my resume
This really Thunders me Johnny
This really shoots up the cop's heinie
This grinds his own cornmeal
This balms my vinegar
This greatly increases my gumption
This rumps
This Coors it
This fundaloo
This vindaloo
This really cramps
This trumbles me GPS
This trimbles my terrorance
This zudz up me cars
This orders my goobers to hell and back
This frowns on my existence
This mixes a cliché with an absurdist structure or word in the vain attemptat seeming inventive
This is plentiful
This orbits my ego

back home.